the perfect life - ouvrez vos yeux

Warning : you’re not going to like what you’re about to read…

This weekend absolutely sucked. I haven’t felt more thwarted in despair in a long while. It was one of those blah weekends, that felt just incorrect. I’m sitting here at one of my new favorite coffee spots in the mission, and this is the first time I got out of my pjs this weekend to do, umm, something, other than sit on my behind.

You know when you have one of those days when you wake up in the morning, and the very first thing that comes out of your mouth is, “f**k”. I had one of those. And I woke up having the worst headache, and my neck was hurting. I was physically and mentally hurting.

I had one of those dreams… The kind that you don’t feel like waking up from. Life was so blissful and nirvana-ish. And it was under circumstances that I didn’t think would make me happy in real life. I was in this perfect relationship, with this perfect woman, and we were doing all these perfect things together. She was wearing a #9 jersey, with ‘ai’ on the back. We spoke French, and dined Mediterranean. Afterwards, we rode by the embarcadero in my maserati doing about 90mph. We were playing football; she was QBing and called an awesome play – “trips left, left slant, right post”, and I was the receiver on the ‘right’. She called a play with 4 wideouts, my favorite kinda play. And this was a long dream, I mean, I remember semi-waking up at one point, and going back to sleep coz I didn’t wanna wake up. And I remember all of the dream so vividly, because I wasn’t really sleeping well. More stuff happened, but that’s the gist of what I’d dreamt about.

Its not that I literally envision myself having this kind of a life, every single day. I am mostly content with my life, and I hardly ever think of the future these days. I just roll with the punches. This dream was so not called for. I mean, if I’d dreamt about flying, while talking AJAX to a bunch of developers, you know, that would’ve been normal. This dream was not my vision. Of anything. I really hadn’t thought that something like what I’d dreamt about, is what would make me happy.

But I woke up, and realized I really didn’t want to (wake up). I really really enjoyed being there, doing that. And all my friends, I mean every one of them, including the rapid number of my friends who’re getting married, engaged or involved in relationships, have all been warning me about staying single for as longggg as possible. In fact, all my married friends have joined forces to work on this time machine so that they can go back in time, and ‘live’ a little more, as they say. But what was it about this dream that made it so nice?

This dream was that of ‘a perfect life’, because I was just super happy. I’m not sure if the circumstances in the dream were what made me happy, but I was freaking happy, man. It was more than I could’ve asked for. And I felt capable of being in a relationship, with a human being. It felt correct. So, I woke up, feeling like absolute crap. Its like you’ve flown first-class on an international trip, and now you’re being forced to fly economy on delta’s canadair regional jet (which btw, no human should ever fly). Grade-school flashback – I’d turn off the alarm and continue to sleep, and finally my mom would have to come in and drag my behind out of bed. For a long period of time, I really disliked my mom because she was the morning-waker-upper, and that, was not cool. So, I’ve been feeling like sh*t all weekend. Its going to take a lot of alcohol to erase the memories from that dream. In fact, I think I’m starting to buy in to the whole “abre los ojos” theory of ‘living your dream’, or ‘dreaming your life’, or whatever.

And the sad part is, the girl from the dream, is someone I kinda sorta know. I can’t imagine what’d happen if I were to ever meet her.

Your everyday-drama-queen,

“ai” (Currently playing in my head : “A thousand miles” by “Vanessa Carlton” )

[update : someone caught a typo]