TechEd Was Great...But WTF Was With The Party!?

OK OK, so everyone is recovering from TechEd, getting back into the this and that. And while there has been much talk about the bits and pieces that rocked and did not, I have to say this, “Who was smokin’ ‘caine during the “Let’s plan a TechEd party” meeting!?”

I mean, it was completely gross! And I don’t mean Nebraska Gross either!

So let me tease out my top 10 peeves, just for reference when planning next year’s party!

  1. Avoid going to a nightclub! Period!
  2. Avoid having your attendees faced with Neanderthal Man bouncing at the door (I don’t know about you, but only Secret Service agents or Jason Bourne have true reason to wear earpieces! You’re bouncing at a skanky nightclub NM, not the White House!!!)
  3. Turn on the lights! We’re not in a server room! We’re not trying to “pick up” our colleagues (well most of us anyway) under the cover of darkness! I prefer to see what sticky concoction of alcohol, food and lord knows what else is binding my foot to the floor!
  4. NRL Rugby Players!!? As the special attraction!? Dude, we’re geeks!!! It’s TechEd!!! I get physically intimidated by the rather statuesque 17 year old girl at my video store! I have bad memories of the jocks in primary school whipping my chubby behind for aerobic fitness! The last thing I want to do is pretend to care how much trivia strength Mr. Square Jaw Jockman can muster post 10 x Wild Turkey & Cola! Where were the inflatable Sumo suits and indoor jumping castles!!
  5. F O O D!!! Where was the food!
  6. VIP Room! PALEEEZE! I don’t know where to go from here other than to say, if you are kickin’ it in the VIP room at a TechEd party you really need to ask yourself, what would Chuck Norris do!? Easy answer! He’d sidekick you in the head!
  7. Personal Space! So to get the full appreciation of how enjoyable it was at the party, try to eat a sandwich or drink from a glass while a friend or significant other uses your back as a Tai Bo practice post!
  8. Toilets! Again, another easy one. Try to avoid having a urinal with an opposing mirror! If I’m looking into a mirror, I only want two eyes staring back at me! TWO!!!
  9. Rugby players!!!? Ffs! Rugby players!!!?
  10. And for my number 1 peeve... Dancing Girls!!? Xbox Dancing Girls!!? Now, I’m no prude, but please, a time and place for everything. Did you honestly think this was the way to engage the female audience!? Think they felt special while the scantily clad Xbox dancers regaled the mass of hooting men!!? Think they thought, “Aw, this is unreal! I’m really enjoying this on so many levels!!”? I was waiting for James Brown to descend from a cage in the roof singing “Living in America” while they set off the sprinklers!

Anyway, enough “feedback”, I thoroughly enjoyed myself as usual, had a great time catching up with old and new friends, and am looking forward to next year already!! Except, this time, I’ll pack my thong!