SYSK 384: The new ‘normal’ [non-technical]

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Once in a while, I post non-technical gems I come across… This one was one of those hard to pass by and not to share… I got it through a couple of forwards, and the original, accurate author information is not known – if somebody knows who wrote it, please reply, so proper credit is given… As always, not intended to offend anybody…

 

…I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

…African television stations are now showing ‘Sponsor an American Child’ commercials!.

…I ordered a burger at McDonald’s and the kid behind the counter asked, “Can you afford fries with that?”

…CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.

…Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen..

…My ATM gave me an IOU.

…A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

…I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.

…I bought a toaster oven and my free gift with purchase was a bank.

…If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

…McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

…Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America .

…Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.

…My cousin had an exorcism but couldn’t afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!

…A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

…Motel Six won’t leave the light on anymore.

…A picture is now only worth 200 words.

…They renamed Wall Street ” WalMart Street .”

…When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

…The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

…Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 trillion disappear!

And, finally…I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.