To The Screaming Children (You Know Which Ones I Mean)

Dear Kids,

I want to thank you: You are how I know summer is here. You see, when summer is here, your parents let you into the back yard so you can play. You sound like you're having so much fun! You will be out there for hours, running around and playing.

I want to have fun, too! Would you please teach me the games you play? I think the first game is called, "Aaaa." The rules are a little mysterious to me, but I'm an old man. As far as I can tell, the rules are to run around screaming at the top of your lungs, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" It sounds like such a fun game!

But not nearly as much fun as the other game I heard you playing. The other game seems to be called, "Mommymommy." This one has simple rules: while your mother is running her 22" gas lawn mower over the 200 square feet of lawn you have, you stand behind her and shout, "Mommymommymommymommymommymommy!" until she stops and turns off the mower. Then you ask a question. When she starts the mower again, you start shouting, "Mommymommymommymommymommymommy!" again. That really seems like a fun game to me.

If you teach me your games, I'll teach you the games I played when I was growing up. First there was "Car." This one involves sitting in the road, and when a car comes, you say, "Car." Then you get out of the road. Well, the smart ones do, anyway. The second game we played was "Hide and Seek." For you kids, I'll give you my secret hiding place: Walla Walla. I'll even give you bus fare. But my favorite was an indoor game: "Playing with Power Tools." That's the BEST. And don't worry: your parents probably have good health insurance.

Hope to hear from you soon!


Uncle John