Capitalizing on Email Exhaustion
In my last post, I lamented email overload and its effects upon me and presumably, many of my co-workers and friends. Did I mention that I LOVE Microsoft? I am a diehard Microsoft customer, fan, employee, and shareholder. I do not read Mini-Microsoft and I don't intend to ever allow myself or my blog to morph into her or her blog. That said, I sometimes find great humor and take inexplicable comfort in the occasional and dilbertesque absurdities that I experience as a Microsoft employee.
Today, I received an email from somebody, somewhere in the bowels of this great company (a joyful and highly effective person, no doubt) informing me that I have NOT completed my 'MANDATORY Business Training'. Uh oh.
After my near miss with the 2006 MSPicnic confirmation email, I honed in on the word "MANDATORY" and read the email carefully. Halfway down the email, I discovered this dilbertesque gem:
"The sooner you complete this program, the fewer reminder messages you will receive. "
Ha! Hahaha! Hohoho! Well now, that's an interesting tactic.
How To Motivate a Customer to Consume a Service:
- Solicit customer response, by email.
- On second day, if customer has not responded to email, send them a "reminder email".
- On third day, If customer has not reponded to "reminder email", send them two (2) "reminder emails".
- On day four, if customer has not responded, send them four (4) "reminder emails".
- On day five, if customer has not responded, send them eight (8) "reminder emails"
- Rinse and repeat, as many times as necessary until the customer responds.
If email bombardment fails to achieve compliance after a certain period of time, bombard customer's manager with exponentially increasing numbers of "reminder emails".
Blackmail by email: a sign of the times.